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Right, listen up, because today’s topic is an absolute assault on the senses, a relentless cacophony that seems to emanate from every car window, every shopping mall, and every pair of oversized headphones. We are talking about music. Or, as I like to call it, the pop culture plague: music’s melodic malfunctions & other auditory aberrations. My heavens, what have they done to music? It’s not music, it’s just noise. And it’s high time someone turned down the volume and demanded a return to actual melody! Welcome back to The Manager’s Desk: A Daily Dose of Disappointment.

I remember a time when music was harmonious, soulful, and could transport you to another place. Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Glenn Miller – that was music! Music you could dance to, music you could sing along to, music that had real instruments and real talent. Now? It’s a relentless beat, muddled vocals, and enough computer-generated noise to power a small city. It’s a disgrace to musicians everywhere, I tell you. A pure, unadulterated affront to my sensitive eardrums!

The Rap Racket: Mumbling, Shouting, and Nonsense Words

Where do I even begin with this “rap” music? My goodness, it’s not singing; it’s just shouting or, worse, mumbling! You can’t understand a single word they’re saying, and even if you could, it’s usually about something utterly nonsensical or, more often, utterly vulgar. They just chant repetitive phrases over a pounding beat, like a broken record. And the lyrics! “Guns and money and disrespecting women!” What kind of message is that sending to the young ones? It’s appalling! It’s not poetry; it’s just crude, aggressive babbling.

And these so-called “rappers” themselves! Dressed like hooligans, with their pants practically falling off their hips, covered in ridiculous tattoos. They swagger about as if they’ve accomplished something truly profound, when all they’ve done is string together a few rhyming obscenities over a stolen beat. My grandmother would have washed their mouths out with soap, and then given them a good, stern talking-to about proper attire! It’s not talent; it’s a spectacle, designed to shock and offend. And it works! It shocks and offends me every time I hear it!

Pop’s Purgatory: Autotune, Synthesizers, and a Lack of Soul

And the “pop” music! Oh, the saccharine sweetness and the manufactured perfection! It’s all autotune and synthesizers now, isn’t it? Singers who can’t hold a note in real life are suddenly pitch-perfect on recordings, thanks to a machine. Whatever happened to raw talent, to a powerful voice that didn’t need computer assistance? It’s cheating, that’s what it is! It’s an insult to singers who actually spent years honing their craft.

And the beats! They’re so repetitive, so utterly devoid of any nuance or originality. It’s like they just hit a button on a computer and out comes another generic, soulless track designed to be played in shopping malls. And the lyrics are either ridiculously shallow, about fleeting romances and “good vibes,” or so obscure they make no sense at all. Where’s the storytelling? Where’s the emotion? Where’s the depth that made you feel something? It’s just cotton candy for the ears – sweet for a moment, then utterly forgettable. And often leaves you with a headache.

The Concert Catastrophe: Deafening Decibels and Disappointing Displays

And these concerts! Oh, the sheer agony of attending one. They’re not concerts; they’re spectacles designed to assault every one of your senses. Blaring lights, smoke machines, enormous video screens showing close-ups of every pore, and ear-splitting volume that makes your teeth vibrate. You can barely hear the singer over the incessant bass, and half the time they’re just prancing around anyway, not actually singing, or lip-syncing for goodness sake! And the tickets! They cost an arm and a leg! For what? To stand in a crowd of sweaty teenagers and pretend you’re having a good time while your eardrums slowly disintegrate? No thank you.

I’d rather listen to a nice vinyl record at home, with a cup of tea and my knitting. That’s real music appreciation. You can hear every instrument, every subtle nuance. You can actually enjoy the music, rather than just enduring a sensory overload. These modern concerts are just another excuse for exhibitionism and technological excess. It’s a sad reflection of an industry that values flash over substance.

The Music Video Madness: More Skin, Less Sense

And the “music videos”! Oh, the utter absurdity. Half-naked people prancing about, flashing lights, bizarre concepts that make no sense whatsoever. It’s just another vehicle for exhibitionism, isn’t it? It has nothing to do with the actual music. It’s a desperate attempt to grab attention, and frankly, it’s just tiresome. It’s not art; it’s a circus. And not even a good circus, like the ones with elephants and trapeze artists. More like a very confused street performer with bad taste.

They’re either overtly sexual, which is utterly inappropriate for anyone with an ounce of decency, or they’re so abstract you need a philosophy degree to decipher them. And the rapid cuts, the flashing lights – it’s dizzying! My eyes get tired just watching them. Whatever happened to a simple video that showcased the artist performing their song, clearly and tastefully? It’s just another symptom of the overall decline, a desperate grab for attention in an oversaturated market.

The Ubiquitous Noise: A Constant Auditory Assault

And the sheer ubiquity of this noise! It’s everywhere! In the shops, in the gym, in restaurants. Even when you’re just trying to enjoy a quiet walk in the park, someone’s blasting their dreadful music from a portable speaker. Have they no consideration for others? Have they no concept of personal space, or the simple courtesy of keeping their racket to themselves? It’s an auditory assault, a constant barrage of unwanted sound that permeates every aspect of modern life. My ears yearn for the sweet sounds of nature, or the gentle hum of polite conversation, not a relentless, pounding beat.

And these kids today with their “headphones” glued to their ears, blasting that racket. No wonder they can’t hear anything. They’re deafening themselves! It’s a tragedy, really. A very preventable tragedy. They’re missing out on the sounds of the world, on the nuances of life, all for the sake of loud, repetitive noise. It’s truly disheartening to witness.

A Plea for Melody and Meaning: Turn Down the Volume, Turn Up the Sense

So, here’s my earnest plea: Bring back proper music! Bring back melody, harmony, and instruments you can actually hear. Turn down the volume, get rid of the autotune, and for goodness sake, put some clothes on! Focus on talent, not just spectacle.

Give me a song that stirs the soul, a tune that makes me tap my foot without giving me a migraine. Music that truly inspires, not just assaults the senses. It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen that I even have to make this argument. Music is one of life’s great joys, but they’ve managed to turn it into a loud, messy, and often vulgar chore.

Someone, please, speak to the manager of the music industry and tell them to focus on quality, not just quantity of noise! And while you’re at it, tell them to turn down the bass. It’s not too much to ask for, is it? Honestly! My ears are still ringing just thinking about it. I think I’ll go put on some Vera Lynn. Now that’s music.