A Funny Review of New Music From Someone Who Wasn’t Expecting to Like It

There comes a time in every person’s life when they hear a new song and immediately think, “What in the world is that noise?”

The beat is loud.

The bass is shaking the windows.

Someone appears to be singing, although you are not entirely convinced.

There are sounds happening in the background that you cannot identify.

And the lyrics?

Well, let’s just say I have heard more understandable conversations in a crowded grocery store.

So naturally, my first reaction is to turn it down.

Actually, no.

My first reaction is to complain.

“Turn that noise down!”

Then, approximately thirty seconds later, something happens.

I stop.

I listen.

I raise one eyebrow.

And I think the unthinkable.

“Wait…”

I listen again.

“Is this actually good?”

Oh, dear.

This is how they get you.

One minute you are complaining about modern music, and the next thing you know, you are humming the chorus while making coffee.

I have been tricked.

I Was Perfectly Happy Complaining About New Music

Let me begin by saying that I have nothing against new music.

I enjoy music.

I appreciate talented singers.

I like a good melody.

I can respect a clever lyric.

And I certainly understand that music changes with every generation.

But sometimes I hear a new song and wonder whether somebody accidentally dropped a microphone into a washing machine.

There are strange beats, unusual production choices, unexpected vocal effects, and enough bass to rearrange the furniture.

And everyone younger than me seems to know exactly what is happening.

“That’s the new sound.”

The new sound?

It sounds like someone is arguing with a computer.

But I suppose that is what happens when you refuse to keep up with music trends.

Eventually, the music industry moves forward while you remain standing in the past, shouting at a speaker.

Still, I have standards.

Or at least I like to think I do.

The First Listen Is Always Suspicious

The first time I hear a new song, I am rarely impressed immediately.

Perhaps I have become accustomed to familiar sounds.

Maybe nostalgia is involved.

There is something comforting about music you already know. You recognize the melody. You know when the chorus is coming. You know every word.

New music doesn’t give you that comfort.

Instead, it arrives demanding attention.

The beat changes unexpectedly.

The singer does something with their voice that makes you wonder whether the microphone is malfunctioning.

Then the chorus arrives.

And you are confused.

“Is that the chorus?”

Apparently, yes.

So you listen again.

And somehow, the second listen is different.

The song starts making a little more sense.

By the third listen, you recognize the melody.

By the fourth listen, you know the chorus.

By the fifth listen, you are singing along.

This is embarrassing.

I was supposed to dislike this.

The Strange Power of a Catchy Chorus

Every generation has songs that become impossible to escape.

You hear them in restaurants.

You hear them in stores.

You hear them on social media.

You hear them from somebody’s car at a stoplight.

Eventually, you know the chorus whether you like it or not.

This is the genius of a catchy song.

It gets into your head without asking permission.

At first, you resist.

Then you hum it accidentally.

Then you realize you’ve been humming it for twenty minutes.

Then you become annoyed because you cannot stop.

And eventually you have to admit that the songwriter knew exactly what they were doing.

A great chorus doesn’t necessarily need complicated lyrics.

Sometimes it just needs a melody that sticks.

That is one of the reasons some of the best new music can surprise listeners. A song may sound unusual at first, but once the melody settles into your brain, you suddenly understand why everyone is talking about it.

“What Are They Even Saying?”

Now let’s discuss lyrics.

I like lyrics.

Words are important.

If a song is telling a story, I want to understand the story.

If someone is singing about heartbreak, I would like to know who broke whose heart.

If the song is supposed to be romantic, I should probably understand why these two people are in love.

Unfortunately, modern music sometimes makes understanding the lyrics an extreme sport.

The singer is going incredibly fast.

The production is loud.

There are layers of vocals.

There is a beat underneath the beat.

And then there is another sound that I suspect was recorded inside a spaceship.

I pause the song.

I search for the lyrics.

I read them.

And I think:

“Oh.”

So that’s what they were saying.

Well, that’s completely different.

Apparently, I have been singing the wrong words for the last fifteen minutes.

This is why lyric videos exist.

For people like me.

Auto-Tune Is Not the Enemy

Now, I know some people will disagree with me here.

But let’s discuss vocal effects.

There was a time when hearing an obviously processed vocal would make people complain that singers were no longer singing.

But music production has changed.

Technology is now part of the creative process.

Vocal effects can be used for style, atmosphere, emotion, or simply to create a particular sound.

And yes, sometimes they are used because someone cannot sing.

We know.

But not every processed vocal is cheating.

Sometimes it works.

Sometimes the effect becomes part of the song itself.

The problem is when the effect becomes so heavy that I begin wondering whether the singer was even in the recording studio.

At that point, I would like to meet the computer.

It may deserve a writing credit.

Then Comes the Beat

I have a confession.

I complain about modern beats.

Then I hear a good one.

And suddenly, I am tapping my foot.

This is how a song wins.

You may not understand the production.

You may not like the style.

You may even complain about it for five minutes.

But if the rhythm makes you move, there is something there.

A good beat can completely change the mood.

You can be cleaning the house, doing laundry, driving to work, or cooking dinner.

Suddenly the song comes on.

And now you are dancing with a wooden spoon.

Nobody asked for this.

But here we are.

Music has always had that power.

It doesn’t necessarily need permission from your brain before it reaches your body.

The Music Video Is Another Story

Now, the song itself may be perfectly good.

Then you watch the music video.

And suddenly you have questions.

Why is everyone standing in an empty warehouse?

Why is the singer wearing sunglasses indoors?

Why is there a car?

Why is there smoke?

Why is there a random horse?

What does the horse symbolize?

Nobody knows.

Perhaps the director doesn’t know either.

Music videos have become incredibly creative, and some are genuinely works of art. But others seem to follow the same basic formula.

Expensive clothing.

Dramatic lighting.

Slow-motion walking.

A suspicious amount of smoke.

A vehicle nobody is allowed to touch.

And one scene where the singer stares directly into the camera as though they know something you don’t.

I respect the commitment.

When a New Artist Actually Has Talent

Every so often, a new artist appears and makes me reconsider my complaints about modern music.

You hear the voice.

You hear the songwriting.

You notice the personality.

And you think:

“All right. I’ll give you that.”

There is something exciting about discovering a new musician before everyone else starts talking about them.

A strong new artist can bring a fresh perspective to music. They may blend genres, experiment with sounds, write differently, or approach familiar subjects in an unexpected way.

That is how music evolves.

Every generation complains that the new generation’s music isn’t as good as the old music.

Then, years later, some of those “terrible new songs” become classics.

We have seen this happen repeatedly.

Perhaps we should learn from history.

But I probably won’t.

I’ll still complain first.

The Problem With Music Nostalgia

Nostalgia is powerful.

Ask someone about the music they loved when they were younger, and watch their face change.

Suddenly, they remember where they were.

They remember who they were with.

They remember driving around with friends.

They remember dancing.

They remember heartbreak.

They remember being young.

The song becomes connected to a memory.

That is why comparing new music with old music can be unfair.

You aren’t really comparing songs.

You’re comparing memories.

Of course the old song feels better.

It reminds you of a time in your life that you cannot get back.

A new song doesn’t have that advantage yet.

Give it ten years.

That annoying song everyone complains about today may become the song people play at reunions while saying, “They don’t make music like this anymore.”

Oh, they will.

They just won’t make it exactly the way you remember it.

Trending Music Isn’t Always Bad

Social media has changed how songs become popular.

A song can suddenly explode because of a short video.

A chorus can become a trend.

A dance can make a song famous.

A particular lyric can become a meme.

Sometimes people hear a song because it appeared in a fifteen-second clip before they ever listen to the full version.

This can create unusual music trends.

A song may become popular because of one tiny section.

Then people listen to the entire track and discover that there is actually a pretty good song hiding behind the viral moment.

Of course, the opposite can happen too.

You hear the viral clip.

You think, “That’s catchy.”

You listen to the full song.

You wait.

And wait.

And eventually wonder when the good part is supposed to happen.

Apparently, that fifteen-second clip was the good part.

Thank you for your time.

The Songs I Pretend Not to Like

This is the category nobody wants to admit exists.

The guilty pleasure.

You know exactly what I mean.

You hear the song.

You roll your eyes.

You say, “Oh, I don’t like this.”

Then you listen again.

You say, “It’s not terrible.”

Then you listen again.

“It has a decent chorus.”

Then again.

“The production is actually pretty clever.”

And finally:

“Fine. I like it.”

There.

I said it.

Happy now?

The funniest thing about music is that we often like songs that we believe we are supposed to dislike.

Maybe they’re too silly.

Maybe they’re too commercial.

Maybe they’re too repetitive.

Maybe everyone else likes them.

And yet, somehow, they make us happy.

Music doesn’t always need to be serious.

Sometimes a ridiculous pop song is exactly what you need after a long day.

What Makes a Good New Song?

After all the complaining, I suppose we should answer the important question.

What actually makes a new song good?

For me, it comes down to a few simple things.

First, it needs to make me feel something.

It doesn’t matter whether that feeling is happiness, sadness, nostalgia, excitement, anger, or the sudden urge to clean the kitchen.

Second, it needs something memorable.

A great melody.

A strong chorus.

Interesting lyrics.

A distinctive voice.

Something.

Third, it needs personality.

The best music doesn’t always sound like everything else.

It sounds like someone has something to say.

And finally, it needs to make me want to hear it again.

That is the real test.

If the song ends and I immediately press replay, well…

Apparently, I liked it.

How unfortunate.

My Final Verdict

So, after listening to all these new songs, studying the latest music trends, questioning modern production techniques, complaining about lyrics I couldn’t understand, and pretending not to enjoy catchy choruses, I have reached an important conclusion.

Modern music is not terrible.

Some of it is terrible.

Some of it is brilliant.

Some of it is confusing.

Some of it makes me want to turn the radio off.

And some of it makes me turn the volume up when nobody is looking.

That is the beauty of music.

There is no single formula for what makes a song great.

One person hears noise.

Another person hears a masterpiece.

One person hates the singer’s voice.

Another person buys the entire album.

One person complains that music was better twenty years ago.

Another person is discovering their favorite artist for the first time.

And somewhere in the middle of all that arguing is a song that surprises you.

You weren’t expecting to like it.

You didn’t understand it at first.

You may have complained about it.

You may have even told someone to turn it down.

But eventually, the beat got you.

The chorus stayed in your head.

The lyrics started making sense.

And now you’re singing along.

Quietly, of course.

We have reputations to maintain.

So, turn that noise down!

Wait…

Turn it back up.

I think I like this one.