Alright, settle in, because today we’re shining a rather dim light on what used to be a beacon of joy and escape: the cinema. My heavens, what have they done to the silver screen? It’s gone from a place of magic and storytelling to a headache-inducing spectacle of noise, special effects, and utterly nonsensical plots. It’s not “art”; it’s a silver screen sickness: why modern cinema is a disaster. And someone, somewhere, needs to speak to the director! Welcome back to The Manager’s Desk: A Daily Dose of Disappointment.
I remember a time when going to the pictures was an event. You’d get dressed up, arrive on time, and sit in respectful silence, captivated by the story unfolding before you. Now? It’s a cacophony of rustling wrappers, endless phone glow, and storylines that require a Ph.D. in comic book mythology just to follow. It’s a disgrace to true storytelling, I tell you. A pure, unadulterated affront to my cinematic sensibilities!
The Superhero Scourge: More Capes, Less Coherence
Where do I even begin? The sheer volume of superhero movies! Every other film released seems to involve a spandex-clad person with improbable powers smashing through cities. It’s the same story, over and over again. Big bad villain tries to destroy the world; superhero (or multiple superheroes) saves it. Explosions, flying, more explosions. And the noise! Good heavens, the constant booming and crashing. My ears are still ringing from the last one Brenda dragged me to.
And the plots! They’re so convoluted, so reliant on previous films you “must have seen,” or obscure comic book lore that only a teenager with too much free time could possibly understand. You need a flowchart just to keep track of who’s fighting whom, and why. And they never seem to actually end! They just set up for the next one, with cryptic post-credits scenes that are supposed to make you excited but just make you feel confused and slightly ripped off. It’s like a never-ending saga of pointless destruction and thinly veiled marketing for the next installment. It’s exhausting just watching them, let alone keeping track of the so-called “universes” they’re building. Give me a clear beginning, middle, and end, for goodness sake! Like “Gone with the Wind” or “The Sound of Music”! You could follow those. You cared about the people.
CGI Catastrophe: Effects Over Emotion
And the “special effects”! Oh, the reliance on computer-generated imagery! It’s all green screens and pixels now, isn’t it? Actors standing in front of nothing, pretending to fight monsters that aren’t there. It’s lost all sense of tangible reality. Whatever happened to practical effects, to stunts performed by actual humans, to sets that felt real and lived-in? Now, everything looks shiny, fake, and utterly unconvincing. It’s like watching a very expensive video game, but you don’t even get to play!
And because they can do anything with CGI, the films have become bloated and absurd. Cities get demolished with casual abandon, characters survive impossible falls, and physics are merely suggestions. It’s lazy filmmaking, designed to dazzle your eyes while neglecting your brain. It replaces genuine emotion and compelling narrative with flashy visuals. I’d rather watch a compelling drama with nuanced acting and a powerful script than a two-hour parade of pixelated destruction. It’s an insult to the art of filmmaking, I tell you. A sheer, unadulterated visual affront!
The Rehash Republic: Unnecessary Remakes and Reboots
And the remakes! Good heavens, why do they keep remaking classics? “Oh, we’re going to put a modern spin on ‘Mary Poppins’ or ‘The Wizard of Oz’.” No! Stop! Some things are perfect as they are. You don’t need to add grit or make them “darker” or change the gender of beloved characters. Leave the innocent things alone! It’s just a blatant lack of original ideas, isn’t it? They’ve run out of stories to tell, so they just rehash the old ones, but worse. And usually with more explosions, more CGI, and more gratuitous language. It’s insulting to the originals, and frankly, insulting to our intelligence. It’s Hollywood’s way of admitting they’ve lost their creative spark, so they just raid the archives and slap a new coat of paint (and a lot of digital fire) on something that didn’t need fixing.
And the “shared universes”! Everything has to be connected now, doesn’t it? Every film is just a setup for the next ten, with characters popping up in each other’s stories like uninvited guests at a dinner party. It makes every movie feel incomplete, just another chapter in an endless, sprawling saga. Where’s the satisfaction of a self-contained story, a complete narrative arc? It’s exhausting just trying to keep track of it all. It’s like a never-ending homework assignment, only without the benefit of actual learning.
The Moral Malaise: Language, Violence, and Political Preaching
And the language! The constant swearing! Good heavens, do they teach them no manners in these Hollywood schools? Every other word is a curse word. It’s not clever, it’s just crude. My grandmother would have washed their mouths out with soap, and she was a saint! It’s like they’re trying to be edgy, but they just come across as uneducated and vulgar. And the excessive violence! Heads exploding, blood spurting everywhere. It’s just gratuitous. Is this what passes for entertainment now? It’s sickening. It’s not just a movie; it’s a moral degradation, I tell you. It glorifies brutality and desensitizes people to genuine human suffering.
And the political preaching! Why do they feel the need to lecture us about politics? Stick to acting, dear, that’s what you’re paid for. I don’t go to a movie to hear about your voting preferences or your latest social justice crusade. I go to escape, to be entertained, and usually, I end up needing an escape from their “acceptance speeches” or heavy-handed messaging instead. It’s like they’ve forgotten their primary purpose is to tell a story, not to indoctrinate. It’s a blatant misuse of their platform, and frankly, it’s insulting to the audience who just wants a good film without being lectured.
The Cinematic Experience Itself: A Public Nuisance
And let’s not forget the actual experience of going to the cinema now. The prices! They cost an arm and a leg just for a ticket, and then another arm and a leg for a bucket of popcorn and a soda that’s bigger than my head. And the noise! Not just from the film, but from the audience! People talking, rustling wrappers, shining their phone screens, taking calls in the middle of the film! Have they no respect for others? Or for the art form itself? It’s a public nuisance, that’s what it is. I remember when going to the movies was a quiet, respectful affair. Now, it’s a free-for-all of bad manners and digital distractions. It makes you just want to stay home and watch a classic on your own television, where you can pause it to make a nice cup of tea without missing crucial plot points (which, ironically, seem to be missing from most modern films anyway).
A Plea for Proper Storytelling: Turn Down the Volume, Turn Up the Sense
So, here’s my earnest plea: Bring back proper storytelling! Bring back compelling characters, meaningful dialogue, and plots that make sense without needing a 200-page explanatory pamphlet. Turn down the volume, reduce the explosions, and for goodness sake, stop relying on CGI to do all the heavy lifting!
Give me a drama that moves me, a comedy that genuinely makes me laugh (without resorting to vulgarity), or an adventure that truly sparks the imagination, not just a headache. Films that nourish the soul and engage the mind, not just assault the senses and insult the intelligence. It’s a testament to how far we’ve fallen that I even have to make this argument. Cinema is one of life’s great escapes, but they’ve managed to turn it into a loud, messy, and often tedious chore.
Someone, please, speak to the manager of Hollywood and tell them to focus on quality, not just quantity of explosions! And while you’re at it, tell them to stop remaking classics and come up with some original ideas. It’s not too much to ask for, is it? Honestly! My ears are still ringing just thinking about it.
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